Better Be Careful What You Say: Flirting and Unhealthy Emotional Attachments

by Michelle Jordan

What is flirting? Is it okay to flirt with someone who is unattached? What about someone who is in a relationship or is married? Is flirting really that bad? When does an emotional attachment become unhealthy?

This has been a continual topic on my heart for probably almost a year. I have struggled back and forth with what I wanted to say on this. A lot of times I feel that I am the odd person out because a lot of people believe that flirting is okay. I have felt as long as I could remember that flirting was not okay. I know that there were things  that have gone on in my life where people have flirted with me and in the end I found that their intentions were untrue. Then I’d be sitting once again hurt and confused trying to figure out why the person said what they said, etc., a victim of an unhealthy emotional attachment at that point.

The definition of flirting in the American Heritage Dictionary:

flirt (flûrt)
v. flirt·ed, flirt·ing, flirts

1. To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures.
2. To deal playfully, triflingly, or superficially with: flirt with danger.
3. To move abruptly or jerkily.
1. To toss or flip suddenly.
2. To move quickly.

1. One given to flirting.
2. An abrupt jerking movement.

So with flirting, physical intimacy may not occur but emotional intimacy has. You never know who you may be flirting with. That person may be craving lots of attention from the opposite sex and every word you say is analyzed, re-analyzed and over-analyzed to make it seem that you are truly interested and you may not be, you are just superficially throwing out words. They grab on in hopes that you all may be together one day. It’s like playing in an emotional mine field.

As a lady, I may be speaking for myself and other women, but I do know that we are highly emotional creatures by nature. To turn my emotions on and off like a light switch does not apply to me. I was in a situation about a year and a half ago, where I was so caught up in the words of another I couldn’t see straight. And yes it was on MySpace. Don’t think flirting doesn’t matter just because it’s done through MySpace, emails, or even through instant messaging, etc.

Just to open up a little, me and this guy would message back and forth. We would stay up and chat on instant messenger for hours at a time and even in the late night hours. We talked on the phone about personal issues, I thought growing closer day by day. The more we talked the more I became attached to him. I tended to ignore discrepancies in his personality because I was so gone. But in the end I came to find out that it was not me he was interested in, it was another. So imagine, me now I sat confused wondering what happened, what did all his words mean? Nothing, I was played.

I never considered myself a flirt because I have known that it can cause confusion and it plays with people’s emotions. I’m not saying I’m innocent, but I don’t intend to make a guy feel that I am interested when I am not. There is a fine line between a compliment and flirting. When I say something I mean it.

Flirting even though some may see as innocent can open the door to other things that aren’t meant and shouldn’t occur. I mean truthfully, do you feel it is okay to flirt with someone who is married or in a relationship? Even when a person is single, feelings are involved regardless. Words can become action, words can cause emotional attachment. Which in turn can lead to emotional entanglement which is such a tangled web to try to get out of.

Now if you flirt, some may be seen as one that others can’t take seriously. Someone may be genuinely interested in you but they see, hear the words you say, the actions you do and they think that you wouldn’t be one to have a serious relationship with.

So all in all, is flirting okay? From my stance I don’t believe it is.

Ephesians 5:6 says, “Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient.”

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips,” Proverbs 4:22-24

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen,” Ephesians 4:29

So you may be like well gosh, I can’t have fun anymore, its nice having someone to kid around and to flirt with. I don’t like using the term flirting when the attention and affection is given to someone such as your significant other, spouse or to two unattached people who know they are interested in each other. I like to call them V.E.T.A.s.

V.E.T.A.s are Vocal Expressions of True Affection

Basically with two interested parties who know that they both are interested, they give TRUE vocal affection to one another. The scriptures still apply to any form of talk but no one is given a bad impression of this person’s intent because they are true and known to each other.

So, all in all I’m not trying to come down harshly on anyone, but I seriously care about the hearts of others and I do not like to see when someone’s heart and mind are played around with because I know what that feels like.

Michelle Jordan is a sister, a friend and lover of Jesus Christ. She attends Family of Love Christian Center, in Houston, TX where Apostle Tony Luckett is the pastor. For years she ran from Jesus but now she is running for him and is waiting with expectation of all the things that will be birthed in the ministries God has given her. She can be reached at her website

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